keepin a goodHeart

27th July 2005

i wanted to write about last nite. ive got bills to pay...fillings to do...packing (gosh one more week to go) and talk about the formal dinner i went. i wanted to tell JK how beautiful i was lastNite n that i was in the wrong crowd (as always..)...heheh..but i feel i need to type about this

this mornin as i was smilling my way to office n listening to sime indonGrooves...(im Lovin every softSong they made k.....yish..hehe)
and then i saw him.
(tv 3929)**

i always get xcited e'Time i see his car...he would as well...
its just that its the thing of a past now.
n i wish it didnt end..

funny how we met. . he made fun of my name.....i liked the attention...
i would say it was a 3day affair at PICC*..
we both would die for our country...only he is literaLy doin it...
suddenly we see each other on the road...like almost all the time

wjt73 and tv 3929 on the hyway. what do u xpect...our offices r right next to each other.
we would sms when we actually do meet on the road.
i would start my day wit a big warm smile after ....he would as well...
its just that..its the thing of the past now...

he's got a nice warm face...something rare u see in his sort of service...
what attracted me the most...was his smile. he's got a sweet smile for the service he is in...
he looks blur most of the time......but i just love to see him smile...n would do anything to see it again...

he showed me one of his gun (har har har....gotta love making them gun jokes)..
n i's always feel protected walking beside him...njoyin LateCoffee wit him...n i thnk he likes my company as well..
he got sick recentLy...n i was worried about him...he had a toothAche as well n didnt want to go to the clinic...i had to force him by talking it out late nites.....n he still wouldnt go.....till he got sick...then he took a day off..

that whole day..i prayed he'd b fine. called him up to check.....but he didnt asnwer..sms him to check....he didnt asnwer....he's living alone...n i think that was what made me worry the most.....
besides that....earlier on ...he was telling me about noOne taking care of him..n that noReal frends ever took care or took concern about him..his got all them joLyFrends but noReal frend to save his day..

and that was like a calling for me....i felt i had a duty to make sure this bodyGuard of the country will b fine n never feel down..... ever!..
i told myself. "im his hero. i wanna be his hero"

n so i prayed eTime that i could that god would protect him...give him the xtra shield eTime he's on duty. let his fever go away. let his toothache go away.

and so i kept asking about how he was.
n still no answer.
in the end he told me that he is fine n that i dont need to take care of him n that he apologze for not anwering me...cause he was fast asleep...

i went a step back.
n went off unnoticed.
i mustve done something wrong..i mustve said something bad
i could be irritating him right now. i could be...

stop doin this gurl. stop bein pathethic.stop makin ureSelf sorry for others.
stop cryin..please stop :(

it broke my heart.

but hey.....we can only help n be there as much n as honest as we can...
but if were not needed...where better place to be ....then be gone...
in life...most times we r not asked to head for ther door. ..
we just got to figure out the right time to leave..
i ..somehow ..never got it right. damn

n then i saw him ..............

cheers!

9.15 am

*PICC-Putrajaya International Convention Centre
**(tv3929)-kereta honda city merah.just like mamanyer, got blue light in it. good stereo.

(i miss u..i really do)